BS (baby sister) came to town today for some fun Valentine Day hijinx. hijincks. hi-jinks. For some fun VD (hahaha yes I know how bad that looks) adventures. I welcomed her to the city with a fresh grilled cheese sandwhich (with my secret ingredient). Then we were off to Sam's club. She recently joined because, as a single adult with no kids or pets or other people to provide for, she sees the need to be able to buy toilet paper by the year and butter by the bucket. Not that I judge her, she scored me a free membership as well.
Now when I run in on my lunch break for some cheap and fabulous pizza, I no longer have to point to the concession area and yell loudly for the senior McWorker checking I.D.'s that day, I can just flash them my membership card and hope they have cataracts to keep them from noticing my hair's impersonation of Weird Al/Kenny G. identity crisis in the tiny grainy photo, and head to the pizza line.
Did somebody dangle a shiny object in front of me, because I KNOW that's not the story I started out to tell.
OK, we're at Sam's Club with approximately 68% of the tri-county area, she's returned her jeans and we're taking the Sample Loop. Salmon, cheese cake, cream puffs, and some kind of weird pancake with jelly in it that I would never EVER buy a 6 month supply of. We are heading to the front of the store when I get side tracked by the cookware. Oh Paula Deen, why must your skillets be so pretty? In that same aisle are some furniture pieces.
Baby Sister whispers to me, "Look at that guy trying out those chairs." In a furniture store this would be no problem. But at Sam's the furniture is simply on the bottom shelf/floor under the huge towers of Must Have Items In Bulk Amounts.
I say to BS, "Oh yes, that's so interesting. . . see the pretty shiny skillet...oooh so shiny,"
and the next thing we know we hear "Help help heellllllllllp!!!"
I look to where the man had been sitting in the chair and I see neither man nor chair. I see the under workings of the chair and I see his feet dangling in the air, attempting to kick himself back over. His wife is pushing down on his feet to push him upright. BS and I are laughing our heads off while walking over to assist. We're not evil, the man and his wife are also laughing while he continues to yell "Help help help" in a pre-hysterical manner. I offer him my hand while his wife pushes the chair down. . . he tries to regain his dignity and walks off with her (she never stopped laughing) and BS and I turn our own way still laughing. In the next aisle a man is trying another chair (this one's a massage one, oh boy) and as we pass I say to him, "Whatever you do, do NOT try the recliner the next aisle over." And for the rest of the day my sister would say "Help help Heellllllp" in the same voice as the man. Because we are very sympathetic. And find the humor in EVERYTHING. At least today we were not in church so we didn't have to do the silent laughter that is expressed through body shaking that bounces the entire pew. Not that that isn't fun as well.
Lesson of the day: Always remember to put your camera back in your purse.
P.S. Tell me if you can guess what the new feature was that I tried out today.
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