It's good. Very, very good.

I was all prepared to write about how I love fall up until daylight savings kicks in...then I caught my last post (you know, a mere 8 months ago), and saw that it was referring to dark winter...signs of spring...and I did not want to get in the habit (if you can call 3 posts a year a habit) of being all nature, all the time. So, instead of telling the 3 of you out there that still crack this blog open from time to time all about how overwhelmed I am by the urge to stay in my house until April, I'll change my route (do you say "root" in your head? I for sure do NOT). God has been teaching me so much these past few months. My pastor has said, more than once, that he thinks it is a sign of healing when you can begin to serve again. If that is the case, then I think I have complete confirmation that I am 'healed' (and yes, I said that in my best televangelist voice, making the word two whole syllables).

Serving is a weird thing. It is the best way that I know to exhaust yourself unknowingly. (The arc trainer at the gym is the best way to exhaust yourself knowingly. Seriously, you never have to pick your feet up...) At least, that is how it has been (for the most part) for me. I had no idea, back in June, when I saw a little "ad" in our church bulletin looking for a "Shepherd" for the college/career age life group, that it would be THE perfect place for me to return to serving. I just thought it sounded interesting, and like something I would be good at. I mentioned my interest to a friend (who had just signed on to be the host family to this group), and that was the end of that. As much fun as it has been to get to know these guys, to plan activities and fun things and cook for them (you KNOW I am loving that) and hang out and reveal my dark competitive spoon-playing side...the best part has been the discipleship, the relationship building, and the intentional conversations about God, life, and all that other good stuff. It has been the biggest blessing to me, to get to meet formally and informally with some pretty amazing ladies. On my way to my first official meeting, specifically to disciple, I stopped by to see one of MY disciplers for a crash course in "what in the world am I doing trying to lead others and how do I get started in this???" And, in about five minutes, she set me straight with just a few thoughts and some wisdom.(I am so grateful for the ladies who I seek out discipleship from) The planned meetings go so well that I am 100% sure I have nothing to do with the process, the credit goes to God for sure, and the informal moments with the various members of our group have been very sweet and eye-opening for me. Our church is BIG on discipleship. The leader of our life group is BIG on discipleship. In just a short time, I have experienced a new level of it, and a greater appreciation and respect for the intentionality of it and the impact it brings. So much so that I have added "Do you DISCIPLE??" to my list of nosey questions that I throw into discussion at appropriate and sometimes more abrupt times. I am completely convinced that if you are stuck spiritually, if you are serving and worshipping and seeking God, but are not involved in intentional discipleship, you are missing the very thing that will get you "unstuck" and moving in the right direction. I firmly believe that every believer needs to be discipled as well as disciple others. What that looks like, as far as meeting times and formality, is not concrete. I just know from what I see in scripture that it is required. No excuses.
Anyway...that is where I am at right now. This is not the only ministry opportunity that I am excited to be participating in right now...but it is the highest of priorities at the moment. Mostly, whether referring to this area or any other aspect of my life, I am really overwhelmed by a desire to be doing what God wants me to be doing, and to not be wasting my time on fruitless things (more on that another time).
If I were a really corny person (no comments needed, thank you very much), I might make some comparison to this "season" of my life..or some other nature-related junk...but I'm not corny, so no worries.

Signs of Spring

Not to be too dramatic...or metaphorical...but after the longest, coldest, darkest winter of my life, just when I thought it would never happen...FINALLY, signs of spring. In no particular order, these are some of the things I've taken great joy in over the past few days or week:

• Farmer's market...today was the first day, and it was scant....but it was open and I went!


• The best people I've ever worked with....things have really changed there, and after some layoffs and last days, we all met to celebrate our friendship (and watch Karina karaoke).


• Cooking. Not just making dinner....but finding a couple of good finds at the Farmer's Market, (today it was mushrooms and homemade English muffins), thinking about those ingredients and then putting together a "project" with that. (Maybe I'll even post this later?)


• My house looks beautiful. It's not my house any more, but after it burnt almost completely down last year, I never thought I'd see it restored to better than I could have ever imagined it. There is a small, small chance that I could rent it in the near future, but I'm not sure that's the right plan for me. It is good just knowing that it's been restored and is reaching its full house potential.


• Family...I've been spending a lot of time with family. Not in the big event, make plans, travel and holiday stress type time...the time you can spend because you are now convenient, and more casual and low-key non-events can happen. Birthdays, random lunches, hanging out. It is good.

There are more signs...and even just feeling like writing again is a sign...it is good to be more myself again. That is maybe the most understated, simplified phrase I've ever written...but it works.

New things doesn't mean new me

There are a lot of new-ish things in my life. Well, a few. And as I am rebuilding my life and looking to God for direction and so on....a lot of encouraging friends have mentioned my fresh start...new start...start from scratch and (insert your own starting over phrase here). It has made me think about this (poor neglected) blog. Do I want to edit it, to hide posts from before, posts that talk about my previous marriage etc...Do I want to just scrap this blog all together and start one with a different name? And I think the answer to that is....nope. If God's grace is new every morning, and if He is renewing my spirit, creating in me a clean heart...and all the other songs/psalms we hear...then why would I want to abandon this blog, or change the way it reflects my life? I am still in the same place in many ways, I am left without any of the normal things we use to define ourselves. I am waiting and seeking, I am still being encouraged by friends. Still lots of the same goodness. I have spent the past month soaking up family time and friend time. I don't know what's ahead, really in the dark here. But my heart is the same heart, and it is in the same hands of the One who created it, and so I am starting fresh, from here, with peace and excitement.