Iron (wo)Man

I have been hitting the gym pretty faithfully lately. A little more faithfully than even my quiet time, unfortunately. Usually, I am there in the late morning or early afternoon, and there is a certain. . .shall we say type? of person that I frequently see. I've made comments on my facebook, as I trudge along the endless path of the treadmill...about the people working out in jeans. The older people, doing leg flexes with their toes on machines that the buffer (i.e. not ME) people lift the equivalent of small houses on. The couple in the matching t-shirts, she in a long denim skirt and he (again) in jeans. Anyway, my point is that, while I exercise next to these people, and wait my turn on various machines along with them, they do not pose much of a threat to me. That self-consciousness that can come with appearing in public for the sole purpose of jiggling your jiggles and enduring a lot of unappealing sweat...it is not as severe during these workouts. Today, I could not make it to the gym until later, right before 5. . . muscle rush hour. Now, that self-consciousness that I was talking about, that is not going to stop me from doing my routine of cardio plus weight training. OK, to be honest, it will stop me from doing the dreaded sit-ups on the 1/2 exercise ball in between ALL the machines...but just that. So, today, I got on the elliptical-like machine (that's not an elliptical) next to a guy with a need for speed, who was next to a girl who was running from every Twinkie in the world on a treadmill. The gym was filled with this whole different vibe. People who were already in shape. Working out. To be in better shape? To avoid rush hour traffic? For FUN?!?? And I noticed, I worked a little harder, faster, and challenged myself a little more, in the midst of all the....fitness.
It made me think of my spiritual fitness. This has been a conversation among some good friends lately. I took great pleasure (I must confess) in calling one of my most physically fit friends a spiritual fatty. At the same time, there was some real accountability going on there. She has stepped up her walk with God a few notches. I have definitely been challenged by some good friends lately, and in the past have stepped up my walk because of all of the spiritual fitness around me. It sure beats hanging out on the spiritual couch, munching on spiritual junk food...being so out of shape I can't make it through a prayer without losing my breath or focus. And I don't know what the spiritual equivalent of sit-ups on a 1/2 exercise ball would be...but I'm guessing it is similar to my life the past few months.

The Point

I have been thinking a lot (well, a little-lot) about the Christmas season. How my life is not where I thought it would be a year ago. How the last thing I thought I'd be dealing with was a divorce and pre-mid-life crisis. Just to be fair, I have been having practice mid-life crisis-es (haha REBECCA B. leave me a comment with the correct word please!) since college...but anyway--Christmas. This year...etc...things have changed. Major things. I have all kinds of excuses to not be in "the holiday spirit." I have no home of my own to decorate. My decorations are in storage. I'm sad. I'm lonely. I'm not hosting any Christmas activities.
Are you starting to notice a trend? Me. I. My. ME I MY. How very un-Christ like. Not where I want to be. Not how I want to celebrate the birth of my Savior. How about if I showed up at your birthday party and played the role of Eeyore the whole time? Not a me that I want to see or to share. I'm not saying that I want to be fake or false or misrepresent what is going on with me. I am saying that even in the middle of all of this, I fully acknowledge that I/Me/My am not the main character of this season. Or even this life. It is not about my sadness, but about the power of God revealed when I allow him to work in me. It is not about my broken self, but about the strength I have in being rebuilt by him.
It was not about the manger, or the long donkey ride. Or the shepherds. Or how many months later the wise men showed up. It was about a woman and her husband being obedient to God, and struggling through his plan for their lives, so that HE might be glorified and HIS plan might be fulfilled.
It's not about the shopping. It's about the sharing. It's not about the dinners and parties and White Elephant gifts. It's about spending time worshipping him. It's not about the perfect idea or memory we want to create. It's about remembering who created us. It's not about posing for the perfect Christmas card, it's about revealing your real, flawed, broken and needy selves to the one who can "fix" it all (and to others who think THEY are the only ones not experiencing the perfect Christmas).
Please don't get me wrong. I am NOT comparing myself to Mary or Joseph. Or Jesus. Not at all. I'm not even saying we shouldn't celebrate, decorate, gift and enjoy our traditions and memories. I am simply saying that I am honored to call on the same God they did. To follow and put my trust in the same God who asked a man to still take a woman as his wife, though she was pregnant with a child not his own. Christmas will end. New Year's will roll around....and winter will be long (like it always is). But if I don't get this very big point, if I miss the lesson, then it might as well have been about the Me/I/My and gifts and lights and parties, and what a waste that would be.