Corners

Today, I turned a corner. I highly doubt it will be the last corner in this specific time of my life (oh the ways we avoid saying the ugly words like "divorce" and "abandonment" and "adulterer"...oh wait, those are actually the better choices of some of the words floating in my head--ahem...back to the point). I don't know how long this corner will last before I am back to struggling through the day and with myself and my thoughts and so on. But I will take it. It is good to not think about things I am tired of thinking about. It is good to learn some new thoughts and aspects of God. Today I was lucky enough to get to drive 7 hours (round trip) to visit one of our kiddos. Most of the time, I do enjoy the driving part of my job, though sometimes it can get out of hand (14 hours, one day, no amount of caffeine justifies that). And today, I happened to have a good Christian radio station the whole way, which is rare on some of my more remote trips. I had good music, good speaking/teaching/preaching, and the same news report about 7 times. I had already been thinking about what I have allowed to fill my mind this past month. There really has been no music I can listen to except praise and worship stuff. It has done my heart good to hear the praise and focus on God, and believe me, I need constant reminders right now. Did you know that as much as God cares that I am hurting and healing etc...he ALSO has other plans for me? Did you know that he wants me to figure out how to focus on him now, more than ever? Did you know that he can and will use any hard or devastating thing in my life (and yours) to better understand his glory?

I know there are good and moral people in the world, people who exist and are kind and thoughtful and generous and recycle, but do not believe in a personal God, or any God at all. I don't know if I could make it through this if I only had self-help books and Oprah (GAH!) to help me "process." And I don't know the right arguments to convince, I can't tell them about dinosaurs and man and Noah's Ark and the scientific proofs of the Bible. But I can tell them how God has been working on me. Before my marriage, during my marriage, through the ending of my marriage, and I know he will work on me after my marriage is over. There is a sweet kind of reassurance to me that this event/issue/disaster is not the biggest thing God has planned for my life. And even though I have turned a corner today, I am really looking forward to 43 corners from now. When I can think, talk, blog, read, listen and sing about things that are not directly related to this ONE specific event. Process? Moment. Catastrophe? DIVORCE.