From this day forward

Today is my anniversary. Our anniversary. Five years. Is it awkward to think about it, to talk about my marriage in a celebratory manner? It's not the picture of success. It's not filled with great achievements and testaments of love. There has been more brokenness than healing. More hurt than heart. More strike outs than home runs. I generally don't receive "Happy Anniversary" cards or calls from anyone. I don't blame them, I think it would be hard to know what to do or how to say it. And I don't write this with a heavy or angry heart, towards anyone. Not even my husband, who is serving time. In prison. Which is hard to say out loud, but it's the truth.
Last night, when I began writing this, there was a lot more to the post. I am cutting it all because, if you know me, then you know my thoughts and feelings and the finer details of what God has been teaching me. If you don't know me, then the way I feel about my marriage can be summed up by simply stating that it has been harder than anything I've ever imagined. At the same time, I am confident that it is totally 100% by God's power that I am still here. And knowing that gives me more encouragement and peace than anything else could. There are a lot of verses that God has blown my mind with in the past several years, but really, there is a praise song that speaks my heart every time I hear it.
This is what I'm learning, what I am knowing more and more in my life, because of where my marriage, our marriage, has taken me.
"and even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life, I won't turn back-I know you are near."
And the last part of the song is my prayer for my life, our marriage, as I continue to give it to God over and over (and over and over and...).

And I can see a light that is coming

for the heart that holds on.

A glorious light beyond all compare.

And there will be an end to these troubles,

but until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth.