I will not miss this summer. It has been a hard summer of rebuilding and reuniting and re-other stuff...Jimmy came home. No matter what I expected, it was not what I expected. That's not to say that I am not as dedicated to this man as I was back in May. It IS to say that fixing broken things is hard. God is good, all the time. Even when we are struggling to get our marital bearings. Or our familial (bonus for that word) bearings. More on that later. Or our spiritual bearings. Turns out, for all the growth and greatness that God has blessed me with (HIS greatness, not my own...for those of you who think you know me too well...haha), for all of that, it turns out that I can still be pretty spiritually whiny sometimes. Just this week, I found myself thinking "Surely God would not bring me THIS far to just have things continue to feel like THIS." Well, why wouldn't he? Is that not an obvious example of how much I still need to give to him? To lean on him? Apparently there are still some dark corners (and bright and shiny obvious areas) of my life that haven't heard the latest message. It's not really about me. It's about HIM. It's not about how I want my marriage to be, what tone of voice I want my husband to talk to me in, what circumstance I would like to be different, or what lesson I think I've already learned WELL ENOUGH... Less of me. LESS. of me. Really? Are you sure? Haven't I "less-ed" enough yet?? Apparently not.
So, it has been a great summer in 158 ways. It has been a difficult summer in 398 ways. Difficult-ness beats greatness (for now), and I am ready for a break. The problem is...God has been moving. He is leading me places, connecting me to people, putting me in situations, that I would not have expected. And it is good. I mean, good to know that he is leading. Expecting. Testing. Waiting. Forgiving. Wiping my nose (spiritually). So I am ready to see what Fall brings. Less sweat. More peace. Deeper growth. More glory to him, less focus on me. And some brisk, cool breezes (as long as I'm making a list of wants...) would be nice too. So long summer..and whiny attitude...and dark corners of selfishness....hello, FALL...
